Going to the Dogs: My Dog Needs a Check

With all Obama’s bailouts of favored companies, and his inclusion of everyone else under the federal umbrella of stipends, even my dog is looking forward to getting a check.   Scout, that’s his name, looks east towards the White House and barks twice every day in anticipation. At first I thought he was being patriotic, and that he was angered over Obama destroying our country. But I came to realize it was another rear end that he was focused on.  Scout has a twitch in one of his hinder parts that goes off like a repeating jolt when he’s asleep.

It’s so bad that when we are walking him his rear leg kicks up to his side like he’s got an itch to scratch, but when my wife and I stop to oblige him he only looks up at us – no itch.  My wife noticed that he’s got two swirls in his fur, one on each hind quarter.  That’s the view of him we see most of the time on these walks as we hold on for dear life.

The more I got to looking at them, the more I thought they looked like those crop circles you see in remote areas where aliens are supposed to have visited.  I called my breeder and asked if they’re seeing any bright lights in the sky up there at night.  My wife thinks he might have been abducted.

Then I put two and two together, the barking and the jolts, and realized my dog must have animal Turrets.  He can’t seem to control his barks towards the White House, and I am sure now that he is involuntarily cursing in dog language.

I think this must qualify my dog for Social Security Disability.  If illegal aliens can get these checks, and Obama fights Arizona to keep our borders open to get them here to pay them, I know it’s only a matter of time before he approves checks for dogs.  And anyway, my dog was born here!

It will be his pay off to the animal rights lobby as soon as he finishes paying off the other lobbies that got him elected, like the unions and illegal aliens.  Come to think of it, this would be his master stroke in ‘spreading the wealth’ that finds the last great outlet for the treasury to cast all our currency to the wind in bankrupting America.

Hey, maybe I got this all wrong, maybe my dog is being patriotic.  He could have his sights set on the White House for another reason.  And my dog would make a better president.  Now, that would be taking a bite out of crime.